Things To Talk About Before Getting Engaged

Things To Talk About Before Getting Engaged

It’s an exciting time, the thought of getting engaged to your true love and planning a wedding together. But it’s also a commitment, hopefully a very happy life long commitment together. So it’s not one to be taken lightly.

Work - Career Goals, Ambitions and Aspirations.

Planning a life together involves every aspect of what you do. No more so that Work and Money. Where do you see yourself in 5 / 10 years time? Do either of you have big career goals or aspirations? If so, what impact are these goals going to have on your lives together? When you’re single, your goals and ambitions can be limitless. They have no boundaries, but now that you are both planning on spending your live together where does that leave each other in the equation? If you’re planning on working many hours, what kind of impact is that going to have? What if you plan on working abroad, or travelling a lot? You don’t have to know these things now, perhaps you don’t. But if you do, now is the time to talk about them.

Spend or Save? - Lets Talk Money

Ahhhh. Money.. when it comes to relationships and marriages, money is probably one of the biggest contributors to arguments, fallouts and dare I say divorces.

What are your spending habits like? If you’re considering a joint bank account, how would this look? If you have the stance of keeping things separate then how does this impact your future plans? Are you wanting to save up for a new house? Are you both on board with any future planned big commitments? Moving house, starting a family, giving up work entirely?

Our Family - Children - When and How Important?

You may be planning on starting a family together, or perhaps you’ve already started or are inviting along children from past relationships into your new lives together. It’s important that you both understand what this means. If you don't yet have children together, is this something you want? How soon? How does this impact the future that you may have envisioned together? Whilst no one really wants to talk about it, what happens if a life with children is not possible? What does this mean to you both? If you can’t have children, would you be open to adoption? - It’s important to get each other’s views and opinions on this.

Health - Physical and Mental

Life can get tough and sometimes you only truly know someone when they’re at their worst. As the saying goes “If you can’t handle me at my worst, why should you have me at my best?” No truer words have been spoken, after all it is “in sickness and in health”. This isn’t just physical health either, it’s mental health. Stress can take an awful lot of toll on someone’s mental health. How do you both handle this individually and as a partnership?

Under One Roof - Old Habits Die Hard.

You never really know someone until you have to live under the same roof. You may have already been living together for the past few months or even years The important thing to consider here is that their habits won’t change. You don’t marry someone to change them. Sure, over time things will change, but anything that they do or don’t do now won’t change over night and sometimes it just won't change at all. It certainly won’t change if you don’t talk about it. Assume it won’t change - Are you ok with that?

Communication - Do you Argue?

Just like the meaning behind this list, a good strong marriage is built on communication and a lot of the topics in this post, may well need to be discussed regularly.

Nobody wants to argue. In fact, it’s the one thing you hope you never do. It’s also inevitable. The key here is that you argue well and at the end of the day, you forgive each other, get into the same bed and move forwards with your lives.

Religion/Faith

How do religion and faith play a part in your lives? Perhaps you come from different backgrounds, perhaps one is more religious than the other. If that is the case, what does that mean for both of you? Does it mean Church every Sunday? Does it change the way you would bring up any children that you may have or does it put a stop to any of the plans you may have had for the future? Religion and Faith doesn’t just mean that your wedding might be slightly different than you had thought, it could mean a new way of life.

The Future In-laws and Co.

Yes, it is very true about 2 families becoming one and whilst It’s not a requirement for you to adore and love your in-laws, getting along is a must. This also includes any of your partners family, be that siblings or even children. You really do marry into the family.

The Past

Everyone has one, some would argue the past should be forgotten and it’s all about concentrating on building a future together and whilst that is absolutely true. The last thing you want is the past coming up and biting you in the backside down the line.

Anything to declare? Speak now or forever hold your peace!

Exactly How Do You Like Your Coffee?

This isn’t just about morning coffee, no, it’s the finer details. Knowing and understanding each other and how each other works is a key component to any relationship. Also, yes, a great cup of coffee in the morning is always a good place to start.

Strengths and Weaknesses

If you want to build a strong team, you’re going to want to know each others strengths and weaknesses. This isn’t about knowing how to win an argument. It’s about playing to each other’s strengths and being mindful of the weaknesses. Example: You may dislike confrontational situations, dealing with other people in public or speaking over the phone (true story!). If this is you or your partner, play to each other’s strengths. If you both share a weakness, work on it together.

Friends

No, not the TV series. You have to remember that in some cases, they were their long before you were and if you disagree a lot with them or don’t get on, this is something you need to iron out way before you begin your journey together. You must NEVER try to split your partner up from their friends.

Politics

The nations favourite subject. The great divide. Whatever your stance is on politics, keep it clean and level headed. If this is something you’re both passionate about, or one more so than the other, you will need to learn to understand each other’s point of view and keep yourself open minded. (Ironically, quite the opposite of what most politicians may do)

Hobbies

Sometimes a hobby is what keeps you going, what gets you up in the morning and what keeps you up at night. If you or your partner have such. hobby, address whether this is a concern sooner rather than later. Asking anyone who’s passionate about something to give it up, isn’t going to work and even if there was agreement on this, I can guarantee it will just lead t built up resentment. Make a compromise if you must, schedule things in the diary if you have to. There is no shame in setting boundaries and dedicated time for these things.

Future Dreams

Where do you and your partner want to be in ten years time? Other than the aforementioned work and career ambitions, what are some of your own dreams? What once was your dream is now shared, so make room for each other. Grow with each other, push each other in the right direction and be there when they fall.

Your Vision Of A Wedding

Finally the fun stuff (or at least it can be) - What do you envision for your wedding day? do you want to elope? Do you want a small wedding? A large wedding? Do you want to get married in a barn? or a castle? It’s ok to talk about these things before you get engaged. In fact, I would actively encourage it.

It’s Getting Hot In Here…

I was going to leave this out, it’s such a taboo subject that I really wasn’t sure whether to include it or not, but I feel it NEEDS to be talked about and I feel you need to talk about it to. But I’m going to keep it ‘light’

Yes, I’m talking about S.E.X. Understand that things change as time goes on. The makeup of the human body, from biochemistry such as hormones, to self esteem and of course, physical changes. Accept that now. However, whether you have fantasies you want to act out, or you just want to show affection anywhere and everywhere it’s important to talk about these things upfront and be honest about it all, no matter how weird it might sound. In fact, the weirder the better, because if it’s something you really have your heart set on and your partner doesn’t, you need to get that discussion going.

Are date nights important to you? Scheduling time together is the most important thing you can do, both in and for your relationship. If you can’t make time for each other now, you won’t be able to later.

and finally… With all your thoughts on a Wedding, Remember, you’re planning on getting married

The difference between a wedding and a marriage is simple. A marriage is a commitment, a wedding is one day.

Ready to start planning? Click HERE for my number one piece of advice to consider before planning your big day